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Avoid baby oil or mineral oil. Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. I'd include a similar analogy here for women, but Wikipedia's page on female reproductive anatomy is barely hilarious at all. Consider another cautionary tale: But as it happens, there are a subset of curiously misguided individuals out there who feel like masturbation is cramping their style or somehow distracting them from the many needful things they'd otherwise be inventing and millions of dollars they'd be swimming through Scrooge McDuck-style had they not stopped to shellac their own mudflaps. I have a half-formed joke about watching Two and a Half Men and its effect on your fallopian tubes.

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As we all know, garroting the Gerber Baby causes blindness and crippledness.

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187 Masturbation Tips You'll Wish You'd Read Sooner

But never mind faulty science, it's not what we're here for. Share On link Share On link. Share On lineapp Share On lineapp. And revenge porn is essentially built from a collection of snaps sent of — and for — people masturbating. It's also amazing to take advantage of this position and massage your anus with the other free fingers. It also doesn't have to be about whips and chains or whatever the hot fantasy novels or porn movies are doing.

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